Funny jokes

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zeru
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Re: Funny joke

Unread post by zeru » 05 Nov 2009 22:08

An old lady 85, a virgin, about to die wanted her tombstone to read BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.

The engraver shortened it to: RETURNED UNOPENED.

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sweety
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Re: Funny joke

Unread post by sweety » 09 Nov 2009 05:21

So funny, thanks zeru

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Re: Funny joke

Unread post by zeru » 21 Nov 2009 14:27

ATTRACTION.. ... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT..... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING..... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL..... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.


EASY..... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT..... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND..... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE. .... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".

INTERESTING. .... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT...... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY.. ... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC. .... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

SOBER..... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall.

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Re: Funny joke

Unread post by selam » 10 Dec 2009 21:00

"...የዘጠኝ ዓመቷ ሠናይት የአስራ ሦስት ዓመቱ አስፋው ቆሎ መያዙን ስታይ ወዲያው ፈገግ ብላ..አቀርቅራ በጥርሷ ጥፍሯን እየነከሰች "አስፊቲ! እስቲ በናትህ ቆሎ ስጠኝ" ትለዋለች። የሠናይት አራዳ መሆን ቢያስገርመውም ጥያቄውን ቸል ብሎ ለመሄድ ግን አላስቻለውም። ከዚያም ቶሎ ብሎ የግራ እጁን ሱሪ ኪሱ ውስጥ ከከተተ በኋላ የተናገርችውን እንዳልሰማ ዓይነት "ቆሎ ስጠኝ?"..አለ። አስፋው ሱሪ ኪሱ ውስጥ ያቆየውን ግራ እጁን ባዶውን ካወጣ በኋላ በኩራት ስሜት "በእጄ መስጠት ትቻለሁ። ከፈለግሽ መጥተሽ ከኪሴ ውሰጂ" አላት። በደስታ የተዋጠችው ሠናይት ወደአስፋው እየሄደች "ምን ቸገረኝ ጠራርጌ ነው የምወስድልህ!" ብላ እጇን ሱሪ ኪሱ ውስጥ ከተተችው። ኪሱ ውስጥ ግን ያገኘችው የጓጓችለትን ቆሎ አልነበረም። የያዘችው ለስላሳና ጠንካራ ነገር ቆሎ ያለመሆኑን ያረጋገጠችው በድንጋጤ በድን ሆኖ የምታየው አስፋው ከት ብሎ በመሳቁ ነበር። :lol:

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zeru
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Re: Funny joke

Unread post by zeru » 12 Dec 2009 17:49

Living in 2009



YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...


1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.



2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.



3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.



4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.




5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is

that they don't have e-mail addresses.



6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see
if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.




7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.




8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the

first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.




10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.




11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )





12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.





13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.




14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.




15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list




AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

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zeru
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Night Shift

Unread post by zeru » 01 Jan 2010 13:57

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her.

Afterward, as he hurried down- stairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee. "How'd you get down her so fast?" he asked.

"We were just making love!"

"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for a while."

Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe this happened.

Why didn't you say something?"

The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't about to start now!"

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Why men shouldn't write an advice column

Unread post by zeru » 02 Jan 2010 16:51

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a
halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I
couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady
making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we
have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke
down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six
months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six
months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum
he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to
him anymore.
Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Usk

---

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding
the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches
solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.

Walter.

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Re: Funny jokes

Unread post by zeru » 21 May 2011 17:49

Q : What's the difference between an insurance company CEO and the mafia don?

A : The insurance company CEO can tell you how many people will die this year. The mafia don can tell you the names of all of them.

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